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Remember when there was all that talk about the “Happy Birthday to You” song and whether or not it was legal to sing it in public?

What an idiotic question. (Try saying that sentence with a question mark at the end. It’s fun.)

I mean, I’ve never been ticketed or arrested for singing songs. Not even if it was a Michael Jackson hit and children were present.

Back when birthday singing was making headlines, most restaurants were already bypassing the controversy, doing their clap-sparkler-pop versions. (Were those jingles copyrighted? Because some of those jammed!)

Triple checking sources is important; however, when researching this topic, I found myself debating if I should call the attorneys who stated the writers of “Happy Birthday to You” had truly unlawfully charged people to use it.

(Check out this:

I’m remembering the HBO drama series “The Sopranos” and how Tony changed the melody when giving his wife a gift. Or another episode, when they continually stopped singing the “Happy Birthday Song” (as it is sometimes mistitled).

Unfortunately, I also remember this scene from another “Sopranos” episode:

(People are post-asking the point of this scene. JFK! Marylyn! Open a book every once in a while … even though I’m probably familiar with the reference due to the culture education I received from “Animaniacs.”)

You know, Larry David talked about singing, and sang “Happy Birthday to You” as a timetable for proper hand washing in Woody Allen’s Whatever Works. And that was before the Covid pandemic.

(We officially-diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder people are wondering what took everyone else so long to get with the program. “You mean, I can carry germs from a handrail to my home’s door handle?” Apparently, only a disorder grants one forethought and insight.)

My biggest concern is if I’ll be handcuffed singing “Happy Birthday to You” while washing my hands. Would the officer at least allow me to dry?

SIDENOTE: Please, have some courtesy and pull your hands farther away from that ear-busting hand dryer. We’re going deaf!

Dan Jones

Author Dan Jones

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