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Hey, Jerry Seinfeld’s got a book out called Is this Anything? It’s a collection of all of his bits throughout the years. Like a box of scraps you’d find in his closet. Archives – Page 3 of 9 – Dominic Vaiana

Have you been rummaging through his closet? Again? I still don’t understand how you got in. Was there a key? A propped window? Does Seinfeld have a window to prop?

Well, the book is much funnier than hanging out with unfunny, self-righteous comedians. I’ve never laughed so hard while sitting on the can. And I speak from personal experience. (Both experiences are personal. The second, maybe too much.)

Why do we call the toilet “the can?” Did we once use garbage cans for our business? And what types of cans? Coffee cans? Cans of pork and beans? That seems about as practical and innovative as wiping our rear ends with paper and throwing that paper into a bowl of water that’s the centerpiece of a hardly-used room.

And who says “rear ends” anymore? I sound like a cowboy trying to get someone to listen to me through a tin-can telephone. A washed and rinsed can, I hope.

(No, Seinfeld did not approve of this post nor the jokes.)

NOTE: The original line in Gone with the Wind was “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a ham.” Okay, that’s not true. But it’d work for a franks and beans commercial.


Dan Jones

Author Dan Jones

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