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Erin didn’t know she wanted to win. When she won, she wasn’t aware of winning. Boyfriends in elementary school. Holding hands. She kissed hard. Aggressive and sexually. She won those boys over. Some weren’t prepared for that kind of game. To compete, to bring skills or attempt at participating in a fair game, they’d have to do tongue stretches. Third grade, and the boys would do better if they knew the distance from nose to lips. Eyes to lips. Lips to lips when your hands were on her waist. They didn’t know. They lost or forfeited or had to rest between make-out tryouts.

Erin grew up and won some more, kept on winning without much effort.

High school. Sophomore year. She lost. The boy wasn’t interested. He wasn’t attracted to her sensual eyes or overall appeal (sexiness, beauty). Her personality was a major turn off for this one – Chris.

Chris won. Erin lost. She didn’t know she’d lost the game. She hadn’t expected to play. She was attracted to him, but there was no competition. Because Chris never showed. Never gave her a chance.

Erin assumed they weren’t a match.

Erin won her husband. Erin, constantly, won her husband. Will (her husband) did not know he was losing until a decade later, when he learned they’d been playing a game all along. He became aware of winning, of the match, of being defeated.

Will eventually learned the rules and believed their marriage was not about winning but how well you played the …

Erin interrupted, lacking confidence.

But Will had newly-discovered confidence.

He did not care to win. He had shown to compete, unlike Chris from high school.

Like Chris, however, Will never gave Erin a chance. Never a second chance. Never a rematch.

Erin lost the game and her footing ability to play.

Years later, she’d gain knowledge regarding control. And for the first time, a profound understanding of winning comes to her.

Will hadn’t won. Will had never played.

Erin had always been determined to lose the relationship, because she had been battling herself from the beginning. Erin had used Will as her punching bag.

Perhaps, taking boxing classes isn’t the answer either.

[NOTE: I wrote this, and chose the names, before the Will-vs.-Chris incident at the Oscars.]
Dan Jones

Author Dan Jones

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