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[Slight SPOILERS about Poor Things.]

[And feel free to skip this. I would.]

I was going to write another movie article about the lack of Hollywood intelligence and general human understanding when it comes to women’s rights by using specific examples, but there are so many articles about Barbie and Poor Things (very similar stories/themes) and article authors (journalists?) questioning their own understanding of these new-age movies and comparing today to the 60’s and 70’s and complaining that …

I don’t want to write this, because I’m highly turned off by the improper use of “misandry” (hatred of men) from fed-up dudes, when female and male filmmakers are probably going for some “philogyny” (love for women) … [Philogyny shouldn’t be confused with “philogam” (a love for marriage) or “phylogeny” (a branch of biology). No, I didn’t know this. I had to look it up like all them other article authors …]

Then there’s this righteous sound out there in all them words that makes me question my own voice, the point of writing, part of the reason I deleted them YouTube music-playing videos … (because I want to entertain and get to the point where we all enjoy some art together and not feel the need to look up views or even try to get views in the first place …)

[Did you catch me using “them” to sound less obnoxious, which is, actually, more obnoxious … isn’t pointing it out extra obnoxious? What is this, a “Family Guy” episode?]


And is Poor Things a female Frankenstein monster or a trippy story about Mary Shelley or Emma in Wonderland (or Bella in Wonderland or Billie in Wonderland … doesn’t Emma look like Billie Eilish in this movie?) or My Fair Lady from a woman’s POV or steampunk from an intellectual’s POV (Wow, “steampunk” doesn’t come up under spellcheck but “philogyny” does?) … ?

Am I really wanting to set the story straight? Because this is obviously not an article nor an UNarticle

I don’t know, man. (Ha.) I enjoyed Poor Things but had some issues with Act III (and was less entertained, knowing where it was going, basically) …

How about this: I compare a female saying, “You’re adorable,” to a man and the line being accepted as a general statement when it actually gender swaps condescending and demeaning treatment from one side to the other (in this case, women demeaning men).

And if this were an article …

A second example of gender swapping would include the same female bluntly asking if whoring herself out would be a problem before eloping, the audience accepting this as an empowering moment for, and statement from, our female hero. It was her journey. “Get over it,” as South Park’s Cartman says. Because not for a second are we supposed to wonder or question how this dialogue would play out if it were a romantic story where a man double checks his frequent-fornication payments before their rendezvous. He had the right to do so. (Doesn’t ring kind, does it?)

To me, Bella’s story was that she had to become cold-hearted. Not just an intellectual, but dismissive and matter-of-fact in order to live comfortably. And, no, this was not supposed to be ironic. There is no evidence at the end of the movie that we’re questioning how her relationship will be moving forward …

Of course outside of this fantasy tale, in reality, the profession of a sex worker is different. Being a female whore/hooker/call girl is a job where many pretend the choice is … a choice. The prevalence of systemic, hyper-masculinity is too much to ever call this a simple choice …

In this case, however, the woman (Bella … from Poor Things) was truly making the choice to be a whore (her borrowed word, by the way) and, so, bravo for the female hero in that regard …

Women having more rights than a man should give pause …

And this is clearly stated in the movie which, therefore, is deeper than the plot and themes in George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion

I was going to use the above snippets from Poor Things because the movie dumbed all of it down to that blind Barbie-movie level (dumb and blind, yes).

Why would I even think of writing some kind of article with all them out there in the big, bad world? (Read this again with a southern accent. For funsies.)

Counterexamples to the above would include the perfect, flawed, perfectly-flawed mothers from A Christmas Story and The Ref – real representations of how one stands up against patriarchy without naming it, both in passive and direct ways.

Grandma (The Ref) makes a great argument about small penises. Mom (A Christmas Story) breaks the leg lamp. Both bring up the true absurdity of man and needed wisdom of women without naming it as a hopeless battle.

I was going to write this article but would rather ask my readers to watch these Christmas movies (yes, after the season) to see if you (the reader) can understand where a man is wrong or right, where a woman is right or wrong, where there are disagreements and challenges and love that have nothing to do with gender.

Women are amazing. Know that without needing someone (like me) to write it, you ignoramuses. Stop pushing the point. Hopefully, you understand this article and that that is not what I’m doing.

You (Hollywood and ignorant humans like those in the audience of Poor Things who sound like you’re straight out of Bodies, Bodies, Bodies or a couple of extra devolving characters from the series “Girls”) are insulting the women who know what they deserve and know to be above those that don’t get it (with or without man’s support).

[Also check out the cooperative tactics and strong moves made by Ellen and Margo in Christmas Vacation and Samantha and Jamie in Just Friends if you’re still not understanding subtlety or blatant irony … What the heck? Anna Faris’ photo looks like Emma Stone!)

Dan Jones

Author Dan Jones

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