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I was excited when I saw director Zack Snyder was releasing a 2hr and 28min movie at the theater (Army of the Dead)? Why? I must had momentarily forgotten that his only good movie is 300. But he usually (sometimes) has a vision. A look, at least. (Does he, though?)

And I miss going to the movies! Doesn’t everybody? (Does anybody?)

I didn’t care what Army of the Dead was about. It was a movie with special FX and … I’d eat popcorn. I just want to get out and watch giants on screens. (Have you ever watched Attack of the 50 Foot Woman on a 50 inch screen? It’s a contradiction in terms and of your reality.)

Snyder would most likely disappoint, but I was doubly disappointed when I learned that it was another zombie movie and not an innovative title. I felt like Wayne asking about The Shitty Beatles in Wayne’s World.*

Is anyone else tired of the zombie genre? Is it just me? I’m feeling pretty alone amongst the living, here.

Am I alone in this? Hello? Is anyone out there?

It’s like I’m amongst the living dead right now! As if we’re in the middle of a pandemic! Everyone there and not there.

Hello?!

Could anyone, maybe, just … leave their opinion in a comment? What?! You don’t think Snyder will bother checking the comments at the bottom of this page?

I have a contact page. Do people leave messages anymore? Do people check their messages? Because I check mine.

You don’t email?

I don’t text. I don’t tweet. I don’t TikTok or anything like that.

So … how do we get the message to Zack Snyder and the theaters themselves to stop wasting our time with bad posters and movies that are dead on arrival?

I’ll await your response. Our survival depends on it.

(Yes, I know Army of the Dead is available on Netflix. That’s not the point. See 50 Foot Woman example above.)

* WAYNE: Hey, Tiny, who’s playing tonight?

TINY: The Jolly Green Giants and The Shitty Beatles.

WAYNE: The Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?

TINY: They suck.

WAYNE: Then, it’s not just a clever name.

(Note: Tiny is played by Singer/Songwriter Meat Loaf.)

Dan Jones

Author Dan Jones

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